Monday, April 11, 2011

What to do, what to do?

(**Deep, again. Sorreee**)

Goddang! I can blog about life all the livelong day today! I seriously feel like I could write a book about all the layers surrounding me right now, and it will possibly take an Anna Karenina (or so) to make sense of it all. Am I as lost as I feel, and if it's that bad?

Current topics of conversation (with myself)

1. Is the adventure/exploration occurring inside of me greater than the perceived outer adventure/obstacles (connotation depends on the day, blood sugar level, and sleep)?

2. How is that I feel so selfish and self-aborbed when I ponder my inner-workings? Should I dismiss the guilt (if I could)?

3. If I lived "in the moment" and rejected any possible worth of reflecting, would it matter?

4. Should I even be typing this? Photobucket Photobucket

My biggest concern right now, and maybe you could help, is a little bit about where I should live my life...and mostly about what I should do with it.

-Do I stay in Austin where the politicians are crazy, the jobs are scarce, the place be crowded, and most importantly be 1000+ miles away from my family?

(Good outdoor scene, lots of music, young people, festivals...good stuff, too!)

-And if I do stay here, I gotta be crafty. I don't mean ric-rac. I mean about securing a job (preferably not JOBS) that give me peace and enough money to able to live in a house that I can have my family visit (and not be 2 inches from the front door), pay my loans, afford my small (and safe) vehicle, buy nutritious groceries instead of BAR-S Franks wrapped in 62 cent generic sandwich bread. I want to find a way to travel, too, since it makes me feel alive. Is it greedy to want a yearly friv vacation? I know Europeans are always jetting off to the Maldives or Canary that's not at all a freakish request!

Here are things I have honestly pondered pursuing, probably today:

1. Open my own children's art school (home school/extracurric)

2. Enroll in Aveda's make money & be pretty and not feel like a dog face.

3. Go to UT's graduate school for Art Education.

4. Enroll in Avenue 5 and become an esthetician and make people feel loverly!

5. Therapeutic recreation @ACC... using art to help well being!

6. Child Development Certificate @ ACC

7. Dental Hygenist? Don't ask, but it seems caring and $$ and solid!

Please, please, please, I don't want to let myself settle for less! With anything! I need to take purposeful steps, but I don't know my direction (yet). For now, though, everything is great(ish)...and I am hoping for a swift close to the school year! PLZ?!


Missy said...

WOW! You've got a lot of sorting out to do... I'm a big fan of pursuing multiple avenues and watching for doors to open and close... Good luck lady!

MacKenzie said...

Dude. I am right there with you. I am 98% sure I don't want to teach next year, so I'm thinking a lot about what the next job for me will be.

I don't think it's greedy to expect a yearly vacation. I've already been out of the country twice this year and I expect to go on many more travels before the new year. I say, travel as much as you possibly can! (BTW I still want to come to Austin).