Wednesday, September 30, 2009


OK, I sense this entry being long. Many fleeting flickers of thoughts, from musings to revelations, have been flashing behind my eyes...

So let's start at the beginning of today, and move on. Logically.

This morning, I intentionally did NOT set my alarm. H and I have been going to bed/waking up early, which has been swell, but we have no money, nothing to do 'til the afternoon, so why not?

My hair truly looked like a nest. Like a squirrel's oak-leaf nest. I went to bed the night before with wet hair with a hood over it, so it took a few minutes to preen. I like looking nice, even if it's just for me. It's the way I show myself that I care about me. It makes me feel like H has a girl who is pretty, and in turn, that should make him feel special, too.

That said, I was wearing a home-town thrift store, homemade Raggedy Ann top, skinny jeans, and some nice gold, ankle-buckle sandals. But I had cool hair.

H has been really hyped about getting a vintage-inspired chandelier for the living room, now that we're pretty sure we're staying here. We decided to go idea-shopping at IKEA for the morning, since ideas are free. I had a terrific time, since H was in a great mood, hugging me from behind and kissing me on the cheek (I love that).

We came home, H showered while I prepared my lesson plans and entered absences, he took off for work at 1, and I was having anxiety again. Or at least what I've been tagging as anxiety. Let me know what this sounds like to you:

I sit on the couch, preparing for my lesson at a job that I wanted and I do like. I am dreading something that I have enough time for and know will run smoothly. I have a rumbly, discomfort in the bottom of my belly, which I wouldn't label a "stomach ache" because it seems too grandiose. I just feel sort of "boo", but I know the show must go on.

I get to work, I go to my room, I get everything out, and I feel great. I see the little kids. Duncan says, "Hello, Miss Abby!" and he seems so happy to see me. I go collect the kids, and Alba and Madeline give me a hug. Wow. We go to the room, I lay down some law, we make dancers--some twirling, some tangled--and I leave feeling like a filled-up cup, teeming with transport.

On the way home, I feel the rise and fall of being called into work, and then not needed after all. Go to the gym and clean up, do dishes, organize my purse (really?). Go to seep.

Thoughts/things on my mind:

1. I never get time to call my parents, especially my dad, since he calls me at night. Sucks. And the days when I do, I need time to think and breathe.
2. Where are these tummy aches coming from, and how/when can they go away?
3. When will I be able to breathe financially? Without (much) guilt?
4. Everything is secretly perfect. I just need to adjust the specs.


I need to take more pix, lately. Also, notice my single in this strip. Ballin'.