Thursday, May 7, 2009

Hope & Worry

Today I am balancing between hope and worry. I went to a job fair last Saturday, and was received really well and warmly. I was told by 3 people that they wanted to schedule an interview with me. I felt magical. I felt like I was glowing. I was wearing a pantsuit, but a crazy blue bow tie shirt underneath...and I was in my element!

But then, I heard that another girl (from my same teaching program, who I had encouraged to come out of her shell and relax....gave her tips, etc.) has gotten an interview already.

And this is when my neurotic creep self comes out...."Why didn't I get called yet?" "Will I ever get called?" "Will I be poor and not make it and go bankrupt and go to jail?"

...and then on a more selfish dick level I thought "But I helped HER! NOT FAIR!!!!!!"

I know I'm being ridiculous. For my other interviews it took WEEKS to get an interview. And what's more: I'll be where I need to be. I need to cut out the stressful tummy ache worry neuroticism! If everyone else believes in me, why can't I?

I'm sure a year from now, I'll be like, "What the hell was my problem?" I hope.